Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
