i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
