I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
