y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
