I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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