EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
