I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
