I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
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I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
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i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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