masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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