And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
