I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
