Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'

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(479): View more from Arkansas

there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express

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(251): View more from Alabama

Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(361): View more from Texas

I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.

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(585): View more from New York

I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.

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(702): View more from Nevada

You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?

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