There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction