I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!