so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.