Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.