i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
