Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
