i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
