We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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