wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
