If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
