Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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