I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
