My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
