Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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