You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
