we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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