I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
God, I missed his penis.
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