update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
