My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
