mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm jealous of your bromance
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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