Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
