I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
His nipple licking is glorious
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