dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Green mimosas i think yes
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We have started to decorate penises.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
