I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize