"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
