He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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