I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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