I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
