She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i believe in u and ur pee
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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