we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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