I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I will be naked everywhere
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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