Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
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I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize