your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
