Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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