Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
