this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
