he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
