Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
