btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
