i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
