I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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