dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
