You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
