He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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