dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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