After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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