Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
