we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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