did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
