I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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