I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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