This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
