My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize