also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
