i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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