Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
