just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
