On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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