Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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