last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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