New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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