My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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