It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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