i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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