my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
