you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
