If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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