his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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