i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
