where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
