just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
