You don't have asthma, your pregnant
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
