I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
